The whisper in your sighs

jessebug23 @ 2009-10-03T13:00:00

2009-10-03T18:34:44Z

I. Love. My. Job.

If I could change one thing, it would be not having to wake up at 5:15 a.m. every morning. I die a little bit every time I wake up before the sun rises. But still. I love my students this year, as usual, and they are so good for me. It's amazing how easy the third year is. Last year I was able to make my classes behave, but I didn't really get to have fun at first--I had to be so serious and stern. This year, I started off very stern, and now I have been able to strike a better balance where I can joke around and make my kids laugh, but then can be serious if they get too crazy. It's just fun. I have kids telling me how much they like math and how I help them to really understand it. The math homework they are turning into me is beautiful and they are always on task in class. We have such a wonderful "intellectual climate" in my classroom.

I also like my role in the school, although I have been overwhelmed. I like being seen as a disciplinary force, and I like that kids will do what I say. It's a bit of a power trip. It's so hard to explain to new teachers how you can't be worried about kids liking you--they will like you if you teach them and make them feel safe by having control of a room.

Bobby, a new TFA teacher, told me I was too mean to students. He told one of my kids from last year that I was "cruel." I felt very vindicated when my student told him, "No way, she's my favorite teacher. I want her to be my teacher again."

I don't know about next year. I feel like I am constantly living year to year. I would love to stay at my school, but I get paid so much less than I would in CPS...I don't know if I want to stay a classroom teacher or if I want to try to move into school leadership. I can't imagine leaving the south side.

A few weekends ago I went to the suburbs to visit my family. As I was driving through the neighborhood, I saw a boyscout, pulling a red wagon full of popcorn to sell. I couldn't believe that he lives at the same time as my kids--their worlds are so different. A sister of the boy who got beat to death goes to our school. So does his cousin.

jessebug23 @ 2009-08-09T12:26:00

2009-08-09T18:36:40Z

So.

The year finished up, it was good, my 8th graders graduated, my crazy UNC kids stayed crazy. I love them to death, and everyone else loved their class the most, which I took pride in because I molded those children for three hours a day. We had orientation this week for new and old students, and a bunch of my UNC kids were there and asked if I was teaching 8th grade. When I said, no, I'm teaching 7th grade, they were all disappointed, which was sweet.

I am teaching a third year. I really like it, and I am finally getting better at it. I think this year is going to be really good. I'm not sure what I am going to do the following year--an instructional leadership position opening up at one of our schools would be ideal.

I spent the summer working as a CMA (corps member adviser) for the Chicago Institute. It was busy (80-90 hours a week), but an extremely valuable experience. I learned a lot about observing and developing new teachers, and I had a good time getting to know new corps members. I don't know if I would do it again, but it was fun. I had to stay in the dorms at iit, which was a mere 20 blocks from my home, so I went home most weekends.

Jeff and I also moved this summer into our new apartment. Moving is a bitch, but I like our new place a lot. We live almost next door to Obama's non-white house. The only thing in between is KAM, the oldest synagogue in Chicago. That means a police officer essentially guards our alley 24 hours a day.

I am also going to be getting paid this year for working an after-school program that is aimed at getting kids into college. I am working with the high school--sort of unusual for the program to have a middle school teacher be one of the advisers, but Heather recommending me to the people and I guess they liked me at the interview.

So.

The last few months

2009-05-09T19:30:06Z

I sort of mean to write something about once a month, because I like having a somewhat continuous digital record of my life since 2002. I haven't, however, been very good about it for the last few months. So here is what I remember:

In March, we had our annual "Motown Showdown" and I was in charge of running it. The idea behind the Motown Showdown is that every class picks a motown song and then they make a lip-synching and dance routine to it. It actually was very, very cute. My ADL class did their routine to "Ain't no mountain high enough" and their dance was very good. I took absolutely no part in their practice or choreography; I simply helped convince students not to "quit." I was really proud of their final product, and most classes did a really good job. The teachers, of course, secretly arranged our own routine, which was to "ABC" by the Jackson Five. We rocked it, and the kids loved it. Being a teacher is fun sometimes.

In April, we had spring break, which was great. Jeff and I went to Jamaica, and we mostly laid on the beach, reading and drinking. I was warm.

During the last week of April, I went to Boston for work to visit excellent schools in high-poverty areas as a fact-finding trip for my school. We want to improve our school and took the opportunity to observe schools and systems that work.

It is now May. I have four instructional days left with my 8th graders, as they leave for their 8th grade class trip this upcoming week. Then they come home and practice for graduation and graduate. My 7th graders are nearing the end of their year, as well. After memorial day, we will go camping for 3 days.

In June, Jeff and I will move to an apartment (hopefully) that is even closer to Obama's house, if possible. It's really nice, and it will be the first time we have lived all alone together. In June, I will start working at TFA's Chicago Institute as a CMA (corps member advisor), which means I will have an intense, sleepless summer.

jessebug23 @ 2009-02-16T15:21:00

2009-02-16T21:24:08Z

3 day weekends are fantastic, especially since I got all of my work done on Saturday. I didn't do any work yesterday, and all I did today was make a new seating chart...and I think it is a pretty fantastic seating chart. I hope.

I had my final interview to be a CMA (Corps Member Adviser) for TFA Institute on Saturday. I am excited that there will be an Institute in Chicago this year for the first time ever. I haven't decided if I want to get the job. On one hand, it would be great professional development, it would be something to do over the summer, and it pays really well. On the other hand, I will have no free time, I will hardly see Jeff, and I won't be able to travel.

Jeff and I are going to Jamaica over spring break. We have never traveled to a tropical place together. Also, I have never gone to a tropical place over spring break. Ever. It should be relaxing and fun. We plan to do nothing.

Obama came home for the weekend and security around here was ridiculous. They just towed hundreds of cars off the street without warning. Luckily, I have a parking spot in my alley and my car was safe. He went to get a haircut and play basketball, and there were secret service agents/police officers lining every corner. They put tarps up to shield his house from view, He's gone again.

My class switch is going pretty well. My 8th graders are pretty good for me, and they've been learning a lot. I feel optimistic about the next few months with them. My 7th graders are acting pretty awful, though. I'm not sure why. They've been bad for every teacher, but I am "responsible" for it because I am their ADL teacher. I guess they're better for me than most teachers (after the field study, I was with another teacher and I made them be quiet and write a paragraph reflection...and she said to me, "How do you get them so quiet?"). I think it will help if this one kid in the class gets expelled...but that could take awhile. He got arrested again outside the school on Friday after our dance. What a disaster. The dance itself went smoothly, but after the dance there was a fight outside the school, one of my kids got jumped on and another hit hard enough by a rock that he blacked out. No administrators were there, so I became responsible for talking to the parents and police, making sure the kids were ok, getting ice for the ones who were not, and telling all the other kids who were watching to go home. My instructional leader calls me an "expert" and a "natural teacher," but shit, I didn't sign up for that. Trying to calm down parents whose babies have just gotten hurt is not an easy task.

No wedding plans yet. We have ideas. If it weren't for my parents being extremely disappointed, I would just get married in Jamaica when we go. I'm not really in any rush...it's not like getting married is going to change very much.

We have to figure out where to live next year. It's a nice sunny day, and I am sitting in my sun room, drinking tea. Delightful.

From an email my group just received from my non-native English speaking professor:

"Dear guys,

Your plan is so thorough. I can envision that things will flow like water."

I will be so happy when I am done with this program.

jessebug23 @ 2009-01-19T12:21:00

2009-01-19T19:05:16Z

Well, my teaching schedule was too good to be true, so I figured it wouldn't last long; I am actually surprised it lasted for two quarters. We are losing our first teacher (which is pretty amazing considering how many left my school last year); an 8th grade math teacher is moving to Minnesota because her husband relocated. I am one of the lucky ones who will be taking on some of her classes; I will take her DEAR and her first period math class. I observed the class for the last week and barely anyone reads in DEAR; they just talk and sit there. This is unacceptable to me, obviously, but it's going to take a lot of work to turn it around. The math class was also a little bit of a disaster--the teacher who is leaving didn't have much control, so they're not used to really working and listening. The class I will be leaving in order to teach this class is the class I co-teach with Julia, and they are such an easy, fun, good class to work with. The class I am taking is an IEP inclusion class, meaning that 11 of the students are in special ed. Because of this, the class has a huge range of ability levels. I will usually have a special ed. teacher or two in my room to help, but I won't for the first week because they are at the inauguration with our students who were chosen to go. I suppose it's a compliment that they chose me to take over the classes (Tamara, my principal, said that I am one of their best teachers and they had every confidence that I would do a good job with the class), but I wish my schedule wasn't changing. Now I have four classes to plan for--DEAR, 7th grade math, 8th grade math, and ADL. The 8th grade math team does not function as well as the 7th grade team, but I am trying to get them to work together more because I DO NOT want to write my own lessons every day. I do have hopes that I will be able to turn this class around--Kathryn (the teacher leaving) said that when she told them who their new teacher was going to be, they said things like, "Oh, she's tough." I hope they are scared of me for the first week and do what I say so that we can set good routines--we'll see though.

In other news, tomorrow should be an exciting day. We get to wear our Obama shirts (which I had to go buy today at the Hyde Park Walgreens, which has designated itself "The Obama Headquarters") and from 10-12 we will be in our auditorium with the high schools watching the inauguration. I am glad our students get to watch--I hope this makes some difference in their lives. I have a boy, William, who is brilliant. He understands things so quickly and can put things together that I haven't even taught them yet. He also belongs to a gang--he's smart enough not to bring it into school, but I know--almost all of the boys belong to some gang. He can't answer for me what he wants to be--he says he doesn't think he'll live to 30. It kills me. A bus of 6th graders from my school was hit by bullets the other day; 3 students were hurt, but no one killed. Five were shot outside Dunbar High School while a basketball game was going on between Dunbar and my sister's school. He's not wrong to wonder if he'll live to 30, it's just incredibly sad--the streets in Chicago (particularly the south/west side) are more unsafe now than they have been for awhile. Too many of my kids have had relatives shot and killed this year--Khalil's older brother, Quashae's cousin, Jasmine's mother, Jonah's step-dad, and more.

In other news, a few new businesses have opened in Hyde Park in the past few months to make it not suck so bad. One is a cafe/market that has delicious sandwiches, cheese, cookies, and CLOVER coffee. I can drink it black and not hate the taste. Another coffee shop has free wifi, real loose-leaf tea, and makes chai so that it tastes like it did in India.

Things are not bad.

You thirsty

2008-11-27T00:44:54Z

I just went back to read an entry that I wrote around Thanksgiving time last year, and dear god, it made me realize just how much better my life is this year. For one, the soul-crushing amount of work has become much more manageable, in part because I have an amazing math team with whom to work. I actually feel like a decent teacher this year. I feel very good going into this Thanksgiving break because I have finished ALL of my grading, I have already written the lessons for Monday and Tuesday, and I have already made all of the copies for Monday.

Last Friday we had our first middle school dance of the year, which I was responsible for making happen, since I am the Student Council adviser. It went pretty well--we had raised over 550 dollars from selling wristbands and from Penny Wars, so we had a lot of money to work with. One of my most obnoxious students (a second year 7th grader) was hilariously suave with the ladies--he was actually dancing with them, not just trying to juke them. He tried to get the teachers to dance with him, but considering that a high school teacher in our building just got arrested for having sex with students, it didn't seem like the most responsible choice.

Also, I am coaching the girls basketball team. We had open gym last week just to give them some gym time, and we had tryouts the past two days. We posted the final roster today, and I felt bad about all the girls we had to cut. Most of them were sweet girls, but...they really sucked. I mean, really. I am excited to coach because I love basketball, I love having a coaching relationship with the students, and it really raises street cred with the students at the school. It helps that I schooled all of them at practice.

My year is still going pretty smoothly. My classes are so much better than last year because, obviously, I know what I'm doing. Both of the classes teach are really great classes for me. My homeroom, UNC, is a little more rambunctious in other classrooms, but they are great for me. It's nice that they respect me enough to behave, but I am trying to get them to behave for every teacher now.

The worst part of the year: one of my homeroom kids stole my money, debit card, and various credit cards out of my wallet last week. I knew exactly which period it had to happen (because I checked before and after that class), and I had a pretty good idea who it was (the only kid in that class that I could imagine would steal from me). I filed a police report, and called the aunt of the kid I thought did it to see if she could check/search him. She did, but didn't find anything, though she thought it was plausible too (he is currently on probation for breaking into cars). A day later, she called me and asked if I had a specific card in my wallet. She said someone in her family saw him with it, but she couldn't get him to admit it. So, the next day, the principal and I GRILLED him in the office for about an hour. He lied about three times in the office about various things, thus ruining any credibility he had, but he didn't admit to having it, and since I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I couldn't do much. He had to have it, though, because no one knew I had that card in my wallet and it wasn't a common one. That same day, the student had been seen playing with a girl's purse and later her money was missing. Again, nothing could be proven, but Tamara suspended him for 5 days and we contacted his probation officer. He is pending expulsion, which I am really torn about.

The other kids, though, were so sweet to me about the situation, and I had a few parents/family members call me and see if I was ok and if there was anything they could do.

Today we had a feast of thanks, which was a school-wide Thanksgiving potluck. Every class was assigned different things to bring. My class was assigned sides and salads, so I brought cheesy potatoes. The kids brought a ton of food, and a lot of parents and family came, and the choir sang (gospel music), and it was really nice to have a half day today.
****
In other news, the election has had a huge impact in my school. Our kids are absolutely THRILLED that a black man will be the next president. Unlike suburban schools, we didn't even have to pretend to be neutral--almost all of our kids were huge supporters of Obama. The day after the election, we had a big assembly where we played his acceptance speech, talked about the significance, and generally cried with happiness. When you hear it on the news, it may seem exaggerated, but it has honestly impacted the way my kids see the world. They feel connected to politics, to the country. They feel like there is a chance for them--they don't have any delusions of racism being gone, but they feel like they can be successful despite the challenges. My kids are now talking about how important education and formal English is because Obama needed those things to be successful. I went to the celebration in Grant Park with Jeff, Amy, and Strouse--we were in a much better mood than the last time we watched election results together in 2004. It was exciting to feel the energy. I live within the safest perimeter probably in all of Chicago (maybe with the exception of the White House). On election night, Jeff and I couldn't even set foot in our alley without identification showing we lived at our address. Which was, um, a problem since I didn't think I had any...until I realized my car insurance card has this address on it. We were allowed to go home. We walked through the neighborhood to the bus stop to get up to the rally and back...and we had to pass through three different checkpoints. Gates and police are still at every corner around here, though I only have to show ID if I am trying to go a specific way out of my apartment. It's mildly inconvenient, but obviously, I don't begrudge him his security.

So much for the honeymoon

2008-10-04T14:56:43Z

We're leaving the honeymoon period at school (the first few weeks when kids are generally good, quiet, scared, and eager to complete their work).

I still love my job. I kind of feel good at it too. I get observed at least once a week, which is actually really nice--it's nice to have feedback on how I'm doing. I am in charge of Student Council (we just gave speeches and held elections yesterday), and I'm also going to be co-coach of girls' basketball, which thrills me. I'm glad that this year I get to establish myself at my job. So far, I think I will be there for another year. Also, it's nice because I get a stipend to coach basketball--it's not much, but it's something.

Today I was home sick, which sucked because I didn't want to stay home, but I had four students call me this afternoon and asked how I was, which was very sweet. I also had one report to me how bad his class was for the sub (the sub was another teacher in the building). I asked why they were bad for the sub and he said, "I don't know. She wasn't like you. We knew we could get away with it. She kept saying softly, 'please please please stop talking.'" I am furious with my class for being bad after having talked to them last week about why you need to be good for a sub, but sort of pleased that they see me as someone with whom they can't play. It took me awhile to figure out the right tone to be commanding without being mean, and I think I've been successful so far this year.

We have a field trip tomorrow...field museum and then we're doing labs outside. Fun!

*********
How much more death can my students face? Chicago's south side be bumpin' lately, and I am tired of reading the headlines about shootings on the south side...I worry I am going to read about one of my kids.

jessebug23 @ 2008-09-19T22:32:00

2008-09-20T03:32:52Z

Jeff and I are engaged. And I love my job.

jessebug23 @ 2008-08-23T23:19:00

2008-08-24T04:26:34Z

My schedule this year (as of now):

-DEAR (Drop Everything And Read) class, co-taught with Julia: Students read silently for 30 minutes while eating breakfast
-7th grade Math class, 90 min, co-taught with Julia
-Prep (45 min)
-Advantage hour, high school math--I go up to the high school (they're on the third floor of our building) and teach a small section of specialized math for 45 min.
-Prep (45 min)
-Lunch (30 min)
-Advantage hour, high school math--same as earlier in the day, but with a different group of kids
-7th grade math class, 90 min.

My schedule is AWESOME. I am so excited that I get to co-teach with Julia; she is also TFA, we have similar work styles and we're good friends. It should be fun to share a classroom. I am also really happy that I get to work with high school students as well. I love working with older students. We start a week from Tuesday, after labor day, and I am getting pumped. My math team is awesome, my principal is competent, and...well, I'm sure the year will be a mess, but at least it will be better than last year. It can't be worse. I am taking grad classes two nights a week, but Julia and I are going to carpool so we don't have to waste as much gas. I already have my first week planned, and we have written our first pre-assessment. We've got a management system, and the construction in our building should be done in time. Our school is an amazing, old, slightly run-down CPS building built in the 1920s.

jessebug23 @ 2008-07-29T10:14:00

2008-07-29T16:09:04Z

My summer break comes to an end tomorrow. It has been absolutely wonderful. I don't think I have enjoyed a summer this much since the summer I graduated high school. Some of the things I have done:
-Read 10 books (I read exactly zero...well, maybe one during the school year)
-Spend numerous afternoons at coffee shops/walking around Hyde Park (including semi-stalking Barack Obama--I mean, his house is 2 blocks away, making it very easy to find a reason to walk by. The payoff: Um, I once saw Michelle standing on the front porch.)
-Went to Ravinia twice
-Went to the Blues Festival
-Saw old friends that I haven't seen in forever (Beth Wallach, Brian Moschel, Ellen Kulieke)
-Spent a week in Philadelphia visiting family, which basically consisted of drinking, sitting on the porch reading, and swimming
-Drank a lot
-Went bowling a few times
-Saw a lot of movies
-Shopped on Michigan Ave
-Went to Champaign
-Went to IKEA
-Hung around with TFA friends
-Spent time with my sister (who is back in Chicago, yay) and brother
-Actually saw Jeff!
-Caught up with my New Yorker reading
-Avoided reading about the presidential race

...and I did all of this while getting paid.

Although I am not quite ready to go back to work, I am really excited to start my new job. I am going to miss all of my old students a lot, but I just think this will be such a better environment. Besides, it is exactly 6.8 miles from my apartment. I am also excited that this is a middle school only--most schools in Chicago are K-8, which is pretty ridiculous. Our middle school is in an old CPS building that we share with the high school and the tech high school. Our math department consists of four 7th grade math teachers and four 8th grade math teachers so there will be a lot of support and collaboration. It will be amazing to have to plan only one lesson a day.

My school's website:
http://www.perspectivescs.org/

***
At the end of the school year, I finally answered one of the hottest topics among my 8th graders: Did I have a boyfriend and if yes, who was it? They speculated all year that I was dating Mr. D. (even though he eventually left the school AND he told them he was dating Ms. Smith, a 2nd grade teacher) or Mr. Phillips (who was married). I told Leishly (knowing she would spread the word) that I do indeed have a boyfriend. Her response: "Oh, if you get married, will you invite me to the wedding?? I promise I won't be too ghetto."

It makes me think of how silly I was in junior high and high school to speculate on dating teachers. Of course, in the case of Betsy and Jason, we were right. Oh, I meant to call them this summer...I am sure they are missing our garish gifts from Target.

The End (almost)

2008-06-17T01:54:00Z

My 8th graders graduated Thursday. They looked lovely and I already miss them.
Went to Navy Pier with them on Friday. They were very well behaved.
Cleaned out part of my classroom today, since I now have 3 hours free in the morning.
Opened the time capsules with the 7th grade.
Finished grades.
I am figuring out how to tell my kids I won't be there next year.
Field Day this week.
3 1/2 days left.

I'll have 5 free weeks for summer break. Yay.

******Addendum: 7:10 a.m.******

Something that I have learned from this year is middle school kids are always going to complain and tell you sometimes how much they hate you and they hate class. But, then, they let their true feelings show at the end of the year. I had my 7th grade kids write letters to the 7th grade class next year to tell them everything they need to know to be successful in my math class. I told them to be honest. Here are some excerpts from the letters (their spelling and grammar preserved):

"To all of the future 7th graders. Try your best and work hard. That's what she expects."
"What your going to expect from Ms. Eggert is Math and she's going to help you accomplish your goal then you can make a roller coaster as a project."
"Dear 7th grader, you is not gone like it. Y'all not gon have no fun. She will beat you withe a ruler. Her head spins in circles. lol."
"Dear 7th graders, BEWARE! You are a class of tourcher please transfer if you can I'm surprised I survived, many didn't. Just kidding! This class is cool and fun and fair! Have fun!"
"Dear 7th graders, Well this letter is to inform you on how math is going to be for yall. You learn a lot of things but you can still have fun. P.S. Watch out for the rest of the teachers because they steal lolz."
"She is going to make you learn a lot not that learning is bad."
"Dear 7th graders, Whatch out for Ms. Clemens. But Ms. Eggert expect for her to make you work. But our class is real fun"
"Dear 7th graders, When you walk in this math class, you will expect a lot of things. Ms. Eggert is a very intelligent teacher. You need to be quiet to learn good things. Also behave. We do fun projects and have fun math games."
"Dear 7th graders, I think that you should expect a lot of work from Ms. Eggert, but she does it for a reason. You need to make sure that you take a lot of notes and pay attention, because Ms. Eggert does a lot of tricks. You can do alot of projects. This year we made a rollercoaster and redesigned a pop can."
"They should expect you to be sometimes nice and that you don't play. They should expect to not play about their work and if the children play they will get in trouble. You will teach them other things than math too."
"Dear 7th grader, When you walk in the class you should be ready to work. You need to pay attention in class. I like this class. It is fun."

I am going to make it...

2008-05-20T17:12:45Z

I'm sick again, so I suppose it is time to reflect on the year. There are less than five weeks of school left; my 8th graders graduate in less than four. I haven't told anyone at my school that I'm leaving yet; the only ones I dread telling are Ms. Clemens (my fellow teacher who stayed the whole year) and the student. I don't think I understood how attached to them I would feel. Sure, I felt relatively attached to my summer school kids, but I only had them for five weeks and they were 1st graders--I just can't get attached to younger kids in the same way. Sure, there are students I don't like, but they are few and far between.

There's one student that I have named Aris. She started off the year in 7th grade; she is in special education, and she is very socially awkward. Well, not awkward so much as MEAN. For the first month of school, she spent most of the twenty minutes in my classroom cursing out other students. She flashed gang signs and threatened to shoot another student after school, and I was genuinely concerned that she meant it (of course, the administration didn't seem to care). I just didn't like having her in my classroom because she was so disruptive. Our school tried to skip her ahead to high school because she is 15, but the high school wouldn't have it, and sent her back to us after one day. My school's solution? Put her in 8th grade so that we would be "rid" of her in one year (hard to see why she might not like school, huh?). Well, I decided to mask my feelings for her and kill her with kindness. I would let her come into my classroom in the morning and help me out. I would talk to her in particular and always smile at her and say how happy I was to see her. When she ate lunch in my room, I would sit with her and talk to her because otherwise she sat alone. Sure, she started out by saying I was lame and having the same chip on her shoulder (I mean, who wouldn't when her other teachers would say in her presence, "I just don't know what to do with Aris"?), but she slowly warmed to me. It has gotten to the point where she will do any favor for me, I never hear her cursing (well, the other day she said, "What the hell?" and looked really horrified she had said that in my presence and apologized), and she is never a behavior issue for me. It's gratifying.

Another student who has meant a lot to me is Markeesha (and her younger brother, Sam). She missed the first day of school, and when she swaggered in the next day, I was actually a little afraid of her. The first day of school had gone so well, and I could tell she had an attitude; she was ready to give me attitude the first moment I laid eyes on her. At the beginning of the year, we had SOOOO many clashes. She would complain about class, talk constantly, and she made me doubt my teaching abilities when she said, "You don't even teach us nothing. You just talk. We don't learn when you talk." The first sign that things were getting better between us was when I started seeing her class at the end of the day instead of at the beginning and she told me she missed me. Now, she always tells the administration that I am the only teacher that teaches anything. A few weeks ago, we did an activity where I had them writing compliments to each other (and me). She wrote, "I love you Ms. Eggert" (no apostrophe, of course), and I have driven her home a number of times. On Friday morning, she came to school early and said she needed to talk. She apologized for her recent attitude and behavior (it has been getting pretty bad) and told me she hoped it wasn't too late to change. She promised to do better, we hugged, and she's had two good days in a row. She's so smart, she's such a good athlete, and she has such a strong will and powerful personality. I hope to God she makes it through life--she has so many odds against her. She has talked openly about watching Sam's father rape and beat her mother, she lives in a very small, run-down house, her mom is gone most nights working in Chicago, and she has an attitude that can get her into trouble. Sometimes, I wish I could just take her in and have her live with me so that she could see what a calm, stable life is like. I want her to know quiet and to know success, and I don't know if that is possible for her in Gary. She might move to Chicago next year to live with an aunt, but I don't know if that will be any better.

Another compliment that I received was from an 8th grader, Kayla. She is extremely smart and talented in math, but she has told me since the beginning of the year how much she hates math. Well, recently she said, "Ms. Eggert, you've made me actually LIKE math."

Eddie's aunt, who now takes care of him and his younger sister because his mom is in jail, came to talk to me and Ms. Clemens yesterday. She just wanted to say how pleased she is with the progress Eddie has made this year. When Ms. Clemens told her that she and I were going to be the two middle school teachers next year, his aunt was so happy that she said, "Well, I've been debating if I was going to keep him and his sister here, but I think I will now." Oh, that made me feel guilty. I should probably announce my resignation soon.

Note: I still feel like I suck at my job. Horribly. Every day, I leave school feeling like a failure, and I have to admit, it's been tough doing something for a full year that I feel unable to do--I'm not used to this feeling. I am used to feeling somewhat successful. I usually avoid things I know I can't do. Yet, there are sometimes glimmers from other people that I don't suck, and I have been trying to hold onto those comments.

There was a lock down at my school last week. There was an announcement suddenly, "This is a lock down. Turn off your lights, make sure your windows and doors are locked, and get under the desks." I thought it was strange that we were practicing our first lock down without being informed of it. Well, a moment or two later, the assistant dean came by and said, "This is NOT a drill. Y'all need to be silent," which really did shut my 7th graders up. We sat like that, on the floor in the dark, for about 45 minutes. Turns out that there was a drug bust gone bad right outside the school and it had turned into a shoot-out. You could hear the shots from the front of the school, though you couldn't hear it from my room. Lovely. We started out the year with a triple homicide in the apartments next to the school and end with that. There was a 3-year-old shot and killed three blocks from my new school last week.

jessebug23 @ 2008-04-27T18:32:00

2008-04-27T23:34:36Z

Sometimes, I really like my job. Not now; I almost always hate my job on Sundays as I prepare for the week ahead. I also hate my job when I wake up at 4:50 in the morning. I hate my job when I go to class on Tuesdays night. But, on Friday, I had a really good day with my kids, and I enjoyed myself immensely.

jessebug23 @ 2008-03-08T12:19:00

2008-03-08T20:08:12Z

I really wish I had kept a better record of the year somewhere. I am looking out our sun room windows once again watching snow fall. I am so tired or snow and ice and winter and cold and wind that I could scream.

I can't tell yet if teaching is something I want to do, or if I want to go back to graduate school and get my PhD in something. It's hard to see the end when I enter a war zone every day.

This week I got punched for the first time at school. It happened before school even began. Tiara came into my classroom, and I told her she had to leave and go to homeroom. Usually I am pretty relaxed about students coming into my room in the morning, but she came charging in, ready to stir up some shit. Well, she goes over by Tasja's desk. Tasja and Tiara do not like each other. At all. Tasja says, "Tiara, get the hell away from my stuff." Tiara touches Tasja's purse. Tasja runs across the room and starts bumping chests with Tiara. At this point, I set my coffee cup down and start walking over to them while telling them to stop. I'm not overly concerned that a fight is going to break out because neither had done anything "serious" to the other and it was still early in the morning. Well, they suddenly start throwing punches. Real punches. These are two pretty intense, strong girls, so I had to break it up before it got really bad. They knocked over (and broke) a computer monitor, and did not stop punching when I got between them. So, I got a few punches landed on me, which pissed me up. So, I pulled them apart pretty roughly (probably illegally, but I didn't fucking care, I did NOT like getting hit in the morning), and slammed Tiara up against the wall with my forearm. Tasja was smart enough the back the fuck up and went across the room to her friend. Tiara kept trying to get free, but I had two walls, a table, and my body blocking her, so she couldn't really get past me. I put both my hands on her shoulders and tried to talk her down, while I had a student call the dean. She kept telling me to let her go, and I kept trying to talk her down, telling her I wasn't going to let her do something stupid, that she didn't want to do something stupid. Tiara says, "Ms. Eggert, no offense, but I will knock you out if you don't let go" so I said, "Tiara, no offense, but I will knock you out if you try to leave" so she settled down. The dean came...and oh, they only got one day of in school suspension. Are you fucking kidding me? I was pissed.

Boys usually stop when I get in the middle of their fights. No matter how mad they are, they usually have enough sense to know they do not want to hit a female teacher, so they stop throwing punches even if they don't stop trying to get at the other person. Girls, though, don't fucking care. Boys who are small and who aren't really a threat often won't stop fighting when I get in the middle, but boys big enough to do serious damage to me always stop. I wonder at what point they are taught to stop, or if it is something intuitive that comes with being big enough to hurt a person.

It was a horrible week overall. There were three redeeming things that happened this week:

-My homeroom was pissed about a new rule that was put in place. The principal was in the room while I was having a discussion with them about respect, about what I could do to make their year better, what they could do to make the year better. At one point, Markeesha, an outspoken, at times very defiant and difficult, student asked if she could say something to him. He says alright, so she says, "Mr. Ig, you have got to get more teachers up here like Ms. Eggert. She is the ONLY teacher here that actually teaches us something. She is the only teacher that gets up and TEACHES." Which was nice to hear, especially from her, because earlier in the year she said, "Ms. Eggert, you don't teach us anything" and said it convincingly enough that I wondered if she was right and asked my program director if she was right.

-On Wednesday, we were talking about dilations, enlarging or reducing images. To give them something to connect it with, I had them sit in the dark for a few minutes. I asked them what happens to the eye when I turned off the lights, and they were able to identify that yes, the pupil dilates, i.e. gets bigger. I explain why, and then turned on the lights. I asked what happened then, and we talk about why it hurts your eyes to turn the lights back on. Some student said, "Ms. Eggert, you should be our science teacher too!"

-On Friday, after school, Leishly had two cousins come into Mr. Phillips room. She went around introducing her teachers and she said, "That Ms. Clemens. She's crazy. And this is Ms. Eggert. She is the best math teacher I have ever had. She's 'hood too." Which made me laugh because there are probably not that many people who are less 'hood than I am, but it is to my advantage that they have this impression of me.

*It is interesting how taking on their speech patterns makes my teaching, and particularly my negative consequences, more effective. Yes, I try to model formal English for them because they do need to hear it. But, if a student needs to be reprimanded, nothing is as effective as a firm, "I ain't gonna play wit y'all."

"I live somewhere where you never want to go"

2007-11-28T22:17:07Z

I took a sick day (because I am sick), so I thought I would be reflective about my life teaching for a moment. I am fairly disappointed in myself for not writing more about this experience, because every day I can hardly believe my own life. All of these moments are blending together, and I am sure there are many priceless stories that I have already forgotten. The worst part of taking a sick day is that all day I am wishing that I wasn't taking a sick day. I am concerned about falling behind the schedule I set for my classes, I am concerned there will be another fight (The only other time I missed school, there was a big fight with blood in my room), and I am worried that my room will be a disaster when I come into work tomorrow. Ugh.

Teaching is NOT what I thought it would be. I thought it would be hard, but it is literally the hardest thing I have ever done, in a soul-crushing kind of way. Of course there are moments that lift my spirits, such as when something excites students (Tim, after we first started Algebra, said to me, "Ms. Eggert, this is so cool, what we did today. It is so cool.") or when a student has an insight and pushes past what I am even teaching. But, there are students who literally refuse to pick up a pencil in class. Ever. I have to monitor the bathroom. I have to constantly tell students to sit down. I have to listen to students complain about everything I can't change. I have to watch and hear about their horribly depressing lives. I have to give 10+ zeros during every test because of students talking. I can't let them on the computers because they took down the filter and go on MySpace every time. My classes at Dominican are an absolute joke, a complete waste of time. The only positive is sitting around with other TFA teachers and getting to share ideas, vent, etc. A new crop of people admitted to TFA Chicago have started to write on the facebook group about how excited they all are, and we spent about 10 minutes at class talking about how annoying their idealism is. It's not that we're completely jaded, but that kind of excitement about this kind of work is a joke. You're not going to walk into the room and change their worlds. This isn't Dangerous Minds. Or Freedom Writers. or Stand and Deliver. Or whatever other crappy white-teacher-goes-to-poor-school-and-inspires-students-to-become-amazing-well-educated-self-motivated-learners-while-dealing-with-only-a-few-minor-setbacks-along-the-way. It is a grind, a fight, to make these students realize how much they are capable of, and to get them to try to increase their knowledge. I have only 6 of my 50 8th grade students on grade level. Only 10 total are at a 6th grade level or above. The rest are far, far below. I have some kids at a first or second grade level. Even my most advanced students still struggle with their multiplication tables. I help them through a problem and say, "What is 11 plus 7?" and I will probably get two wrong answers before I finally hear 18. I got some good news (sort of)--the 8th grade doubled the number of students who passed the state standardized test that we took in September. What does that mean? We went from having 10% of 8th graders meeting or exceeding standards to 25% of students meeting or exceeding standards.

It's funny-tragic sometimes. My (8th grade) homeroom asked me when we went back to school after winter break. When I said January 2nd, Evan said, "I am going to still have a hangover." Me too, buddy. We're losing another teacher. The other 8th grade homeroom teacher got another job and is leaving next Friday.

The worst part of the job (maybe) is that my work is never done. There are usually 100 more things I could do every night. I work my ass off until 11 p.m. every night, and still, I could be doing so many more things to be a better teacher. I could be so much more organized. I could be preparing more interesting lessons, giving kids extra work, making the space in the classroom work more effectively, getting more work done for Dominican, doing more grading, etc. Always.

I'm not sorry I did this, I don't think, but my life is a blur, and I have very little time to myself or for myself. Any time I am not doing work, I am thinking about all the work I should be doing. Like right now. I have 100 tests I should be grading. I should be making overheads for tomorrow. I should be planning Friday. I should be making lesson plans for next week. But, I am sitting here, with an enormous headache.

Also, I have decided that, on the whole, I hate U of C students. They are annoying, vapid, and oozing with the desire to have something intellectually exciting to say. Hearing the student reaction to a rash of crime in and around Hyde Park made me sick to my stomach ("The university needs to expand itself more rapidly so all the poor people are kicked out"). The lack of compassion and the un-reality of their lives really annoys me. The fact that this privilege is surrounded by so many broken things ought to urge these students to act, but instead they want to make their bubble bigger and more impenetrable. These people annoy the crap out of me. Also, they treat my part of the neighborhood like it's really scary, but no one has been shot, murdered, or robbed around my apartment, and I have never felt anything but completely safe (well, except when my crazy neighbor took off his shoes, socks, coat, and pants and spend hours standing by my car. But then the police arrived and helped him out). Sure, I don't take long walks at night, but that would just be stupid.

I live 3 blocks from Obama. If that. The security around his house includes someone constantly parked on the road in front of the driveway. The car is always on, and the person just sits there. It's not always the same car, but it's always there. Now that I know it's his house, it's very obvious, but I never noticed the car sitting there all the time until Jeff and I took a walk and passed his house a few weeks ago. I haven't really decided who to vote for in the primary, but I might just vote for Kucinich again. I really think that any of the front runners on the Democratic ticket would make a fine president (or at least a better president), but I know I am going to be unhappy with the process by which the nominee is chosen, so I don't really want to be a part of it (which is convenient, seeing as how Illinois is still relatively irrelevant in the process).

My kids hate George Bush. They detest him. So, I put a picture up of him on my closet door and when a student is annoying me a lot, I make them go work out their problem with George Bush. They have to go back there, tell him what they did, and wait for him to find a solution to their problem before they can rejoin class. It has replaced Siberia in my classroom, and it works fairly well. Except with my one (impossible) 8th grade class. They all want to talk to George Bush.

7th week of school

2007-09-24T23:31:25Z

Every single fucking day beats me down at school. I have so much to do. I never finish it. The kids play like it's their job. They don't seem to realize how far behind they are. I am so fucking tired. This is so fucking hard.

jessebug23 @ 2007-08-28T20:14:00

2007-08-29T01:59:38Z

This has been the hardest two weeks + two days of my life.

Questions I have been asked while talking about math:
-Ms. Eggert, are you married and do you have kids?
-When do you eat lunch?
-What do you eat for lunch?
-Do you have a boyfriend?
-You drive all the way here from Chicago? Every day?
-Are your eyes really blue or do you wear contact? (This has been asked in every class: the response when I tell them they are my real eyes--I have got to get me some blue eyes."
-Ms. Eggert, is your hair blonde or brown? (Answer they decided on: Sandy, sandy brown or gold)
-How old are you?

jessebug23 @ 2007-07-26T21:50:00

2007-07-27T02:14:18Z

I love Teach for America...and I hate it. It is a completely ridiculous organization, complete with attempts to make us chant at every opportunity (which I fucking hate), but almost (save a few crazies) everyone I have met is really awesome. Really. I am not incredibly comfortable in social situations, but I have felt comfortable with TFA people almost from the start. My group is really amazing--my collab in particular. We never fought and we just had a good time, even if we had to switch to 1st grade. I am mad at TFA for making me switch--I feel completely unprepared to go into my middle school math classrooms (in 2 weeks), but I do feel uplifted by the "mission" (I use this in a completely non-religious way) and by the fact that I have been told over and over that I am a good teacher. I won America's Next Top Corps Member at my school (hosted by Matt R., starring as a Tyra Banks clone (most of his quotes started, "I have been in the business a long time and..." or "I have NEVER had to yell at a corps member like I am today)), and I met all of my rubric score goals, not that that matters. I also like how we can go out and have a good time together--like tonight--we have to be at school at 7:00 tomorrow, but we still all went out before and after that ridiculous closing ceremony. Too fun. The Chicago corps is definitely the best of all of the corps (for example, we didn't waste our time on a stupid chant).

In the end, I fell in love with my students, and I can tell the next 2 (+) years are going to be the most uplifting/difficult time in my life. C., our Oceanographer (yeah, in first grade), shared with me today how he has lived in two shelters and how he didn't like the second one because they forced him to eat dried rice. He also gave me a piece of paper that said I was an "A++ teacher." We had a student, W., who acted all tough and was one of our greatest behavioral issues, but he broke down crying today when his mother didn't come today to our "student showcase." We had M., who told incomprehensible stories and followed me around constantly, but who also would write a face on every paper showing me how he felt. He wrote me a letter: "Dear Ms. Eggert, you should have a good day, Love, M." We had our Precious, who could never sit down in her seat, but wrote the most fantastic stories....it just goes on and on. They were sweet and frustrating and hard-working and manipulative and they all gave us hugs and told us how sad they were that summer school was over. We played Heads Up, Seven Up today for the first time. it's enough to make me feel sappy.

On another note, everyone made Institute out to be the hardest thing in the world. And yes, it definitely was challenging and there were definitely some late nights and early mornings. But, overall, it was mostly fun and I am sad that there are a lot of people I have met but who won't be in Chicago. They say they will visit, and I hope they will. I am, however, fucking over this shit. We have to be at school all day (tomorrow) in professional dress even though the kids won't be there.

Also, my faculty adviser (FA) brought us philadelphia soft pretzels today, which I am eating now to sober up. TFA is big on acronyms. The ones that are used most frequently: TFA, CMA, CM, CS, FA, LS, IC, SD, TAL, DCA, IPD, VERF, LP, ILT, and LPC...but there are many more.

Um...I bought a car. I have no money. I start on Wednesday. It begins. I am determined to be good at my job.

[The theme song to the Fresh Prince keeps running through my head).

Funny things that have happened so far...

2007-07-07T23:50:49Z

Now, I don't know if I'll want to stay in teaching after two years, but some pretty funny shit happened in the past four days of school.

From my 6th Graders:
-When Mr. Fillingame (my fellow collab-er) gave homework on the first day: Shakur (who was sitting in the front of the room) stands up, throws up his hands and says, "Teach, homework on my birthday? Why you gotta play me like that?"
-When asked to write three sentences summarizing his morning, Lamar wrote: "I TOLD you I don't like teachers. I don't like summer school. So then I am going to go to sleep in class."
-Joel spent the entire first day trying to pick up Ladaris. From his hand motions, I gathered this: "Around the corner, on 5th street, 1:00."
-When I asked Joel what he did for the 4th of July, "Ms. Eggert, you don't want to know."
-"The most important day of my life was when my baby sister, Jada, was born. She was so cute."

From my 1st graders:
-When asked what he did for the 4th of July, Wencell said, "We watched transformers...on bootleg!"
-"Ms., I was sad last night. I didn't get any homework."
-"I want to be an Oceanographer. I speak three languages: English, Spanish, and Whale."
-Christian, writing about his favorite food: "My favorite food is rice with milk. It is a Spanish soop (arroz con leche)."
-In a story a student wrote for extra work: "MY firt day at school. My teachers are the best. Every and the class and the classroom. And Mr. Koch and dise holl school. The End."
-Another story a student wrote for extra work: "I love scool. I love sportes and I love to ride biks and I love to write and eat vegetables and frut and I love to Learn and read storyes and I love to lean Math and I love to colr and draw."

Things that have happened in the school (but, luckily, not in any of my classes):
-A 7th grader peed on another 7th grader in the bathroom. Hence, they are only allowed to go in one at a time.
-A huge cockroach crawled across the front of the other 1st grade classroom. Faculty adviser then chased it around the room, trying to kill it as the children screamed.
-Two 4th graders got into a fist fight in the classroom.
-An 8th grade boy said to an 8th grade girl "...take it up the ass."
-From the principal to a boy in the cafeteria: "Get that shirt off of your head, we're not in the Middle East."

Things that hae happened at other schools:
-Third floor of a high school was completely flooded on the third floor, to the point where things in the classroom were floating.
-A first grader peed in his pants.

jessebug23 @ 2007-07-04T14:19:00

2007-07-04T18:22:05Z

In the past 24 hours, I have had my schools' operation manager, the school director, and the director of Institute all thank me and my colb for being "so flexible." I'm not flexible, I just don't have a choice. They switched us mid-week to teaching a 1st grade class, even though we had all of our lesson plans done for 6th grade for the week (and we're all teaching middle school in the fall). Thank you, Philadelphia School District, for being so incompetent in the enrollment of your students for summer school!

10 lesson plans (songs included) due tomorrow. Happy 4th of July.

I'm not dead yet!

2007-07-01T20:52:19Z

I am at Institute, and it is the beginning of Week 2. 20% of Institute done and this first week was not too bad. I was in bed by 11:30 every night (and up between 5:15 and 5:30 in the morning). All week, my suitemate and I went to breakfast at 6:00 (a 15 minute walk), picked up our lunch and walked to our school bus by 6:50 p.m. Each day, we get to the school by 7:05 and have had classes/workshops/planning time until 4:30, when we return, have dinner, and prepare materials for the next day. Tomorrow is the first day we have kids (I am teaching 6th grade while I'm here), so we have been busy preparing all classroom materials. I just finished my "Star Students" board, which consisted of me writing on a blue piece of butcher paper, "STAR STUDENTS...KEEP SOARING", with stars lining the side. OH. FUCK. YEAH. I have completed my mini lessons on forming a line, entering the classroom, and malleable intelligence. I have prepared our parent letter, our classroom procedures, and my collab's investment plan. I have made our student behavior tracking sheet, our "While you were out" binder, our first day agenda, my action plan for the week, copied an article for the class, and made a worksheet for the malleable intelligence article. I have a rough draft of my lesson plans for Tuesday and Thursday (no class for students because of July 4th, although we still have classes and lessons to do that day), I have copied my math manipulatives, and, finally, I have made a sign to hang by the clock. Oh, and I made number cards for students to take when they enter the room so they know where to put their bag in the backpack corner and so they know where to sit. Oh, and I made the first four cards that will go on our word wall. By the end of today, I hope to: script out my opening to the math diagnostic, finish my final drafts of my tuesday and thursday lesson plans, make the poster for the word wall, practice my entire first day agenda, meet with Kate to create our worksheet for the math lessons on Tuesday and Thursday, copy those sheets, and cut out my math manipulatives.

In terms of the fun side, there are a lot of cool people here. Sure, most of us are pretty type A (hello, self), but in the end, most people are fun and interesting. My group members and I get along really well (one from harvard, the other from University of Oregon), and I absolutely LOVE the Chicago corps. We are the misfits: we're the only corps not from the east coast (others--Philly, camden, baltimore, new haven, washington D.C.), we're the corps that, for the most part, did not finish our pre-institute reading, and we do not have a chant (which is good). On Friday, about 70 of us chicago corps members met in the lobby, got on the SEPTA, and went to a bar. By the end of the night, we probably had well over 100 of the 150 corps members there. Some D.C. people came too. They played a lot of 80s and early 90s (and some recent--you can't go to a bar without getting your sexyback) and we just all danced crazy and had a good time...and were mostly all home by 12 because we were exhausted.

I guess I better get back to work. My CMA said my lesson plans were A+++, but I am worried about execution in front of the observers.

Gary, Indiana not Louisiana...my home sweet home

2007-05-09T16:08:17Z

So, I'm leaving Urbana in a month...less than a month, actually. That's pretty terrifying.

Things I have done to prepare for my move to Chicago: Got a job, told Eva when I am leaving this job.
Things I still need to do to prepare for my move to Chicago: Get an apartment, figure out if I need roommates, and if I do, with whom to live, buy a car, figure out how I am getting my stuff out of Urbana, tell my landlord here that I am leaving, learn how to teach, figure out how I am getting to Philly, figure out when/how I am getting back from Philly...I guess that's all I can think of for now.

So, I got hired by the very first school with whom I interviewed at the last TFA interview day. Which was great because I didn't have to do any more interviews that week. It was bad because that first interview happened to be with a school from Gary, Indiana. My interviews later in the day were all with Chicago schools. Blast!

The good things about my Gary, Indiana school:
-I am teaching 7th/8th grade math, which is the subject and grade level I most wanted and feel most comfortable teaching. What you know about math? I know all about math.
-The principal, while a little crazy (which seems to be a ubiquitous characteristic of principals at low-income schools), seems like a pretty cool guy. We hit it off and one of the first things we talked about were books he thought I should read about education/learning and poverty, two of which I have already read. He also immediately jumped into talking about the travesty of unequal education in America and the disaster that is No Child Left Behind. Even though we still have to play the NCLB game, it's nice to know that the principal is doing so reluctantly.
-It's a charter school so the class sizes are kept relatively small. I will not have any classes bigger than 23 students.
-It's in the most lovely part of Gary, I think (which is NOT saying much). It's surrounded by a forest preserve and in the sand dunes. The school is on the beach, obviously, so Lake Michigan and the beach take the place of a playground. Because of this, the school works environmentalism into the curriculum. The kids often have beach clean-up days, and the older kids do things like test water quality and the like (and, I am assuming the water quality is...poor).
-The day is 2 hours longer than the day in CPS. This means I will have more time to teach and my students with theoretically be able to learn more. The school year is also 20 days longer.
-My principal gives merit bonus pay. So, if I am a good teacher, I can get a bonus around 7-10% of my salary. Sweet.
-Although a long commute, I will be driving against most of the traffic both ways. No one drives to Gary in the morning. There are no jobs in Gary (except teaching, apparently).

The bad things about my Gary, Indiana school:
-It's in Gary, Indiana. No matter how lovely the surrounding environment, it still smells like Gary.
-I will be living in Chicago, so I will have to commute to Gary. This means paying $6.15 in tolls every single day and driving 35 minutes each way (if I live in Hyde Park, which is the plan right now).
-In addition to taking the Illinois teaching exams (which I've already done), I have to take the Indiana exams. This will cost an extra $180 and waste yet another day of my life.
-I am the first, and only, Teach for America teacher he has hired. The other teachers are relatively young, so I don't think I'll be out of place, but it's nice to have that support within your school.
-It's a charter school. I think charter schools are destroying public education (not that it doesn't already have problems).
-There is no union because it's a charter school. Although I still have benefits, my base pay is lower than it would be in a chicago public school.
-My grad classes will be on the North side, so twice a week I will have to fight my way up through the city during rush hour.
-I will most definitely need to buy a car. The problem with that is I will not work all summer, since I will be in Philadelphia. How the fuck am I supposed to pay for a car?
-The school day is longer, the year is longer, but I do not get paid anything extra for that time.
-The school is in an old naval base, so it's a little strange. All of the upper elementary/middle school classes are in trailers.

Now, if Jeff's boss would just decide if he is hiring Jeff, a lot of living situation questions could be answered.

jessebug23 @ 2007-04-01T18:03:00

2007-04-01T23:38:26Z

So, I've started the process of interviewing at schools, and it's really tiring (already). On the first interview day, we got a talk before we started our interviews: "There is no longer a teacher shortage in Chicago, it's a very competitive market, it's the hardest region to place TFA teachers, so put better than your best foot forward and please get hired." So, I had four interviews that first day, all of whom wanted to do follow-up interviews. So, the next day I grew familiar with the west side of Chicago and went to two schools. The one school isn't ready to hire yet and the other asked me to come back a third time to teach a 45 minute reading lesson to 2nd graders. I will be doing that this Friday. It's a charter school across from a newly-built Starbucks (the smell of gentrification is thick). This past Tuesday, I drove up from Champaign to interview at a school in Englewood. The principal has locks that look exactly like my sister's, but I refrained from mentioning that. We talked for over an hour and, since he would want me to teach 7th/8th grade science, he asked me questions like, "So, how would you teach science in a way that interested students" and "So, Chemistry...that's the periodic table and molecules and reactions and stuff, right?" (I assured him that was indeed true). Then, he informed me that the school was "tough." We concluded the interview when he got a call over the radio "Can you come here, it's an emergency!" He left it at "I have to look over the budget numbers, I'm hoping to hire mid/late April, call me if you get a job offer and see where I am." Yesterday, I read in the Chicago Tribune that it is one of two elementary schools that will be overhauled for the next year: meaning, all new staff and administration. He was relatively new to the school, so I don't know if that means he will be gone, so it's possible that whole interview was a waste of time. Oh well.

In late April, I have to take the state teaching exams, and I have another interview weekend set up by TFA, if I don't get hired before then. Even though I wanted to go to Chicago because I love the city and I wanted to be close to my family, I'm wondering if I should have tried out a new city. But really, I'm so incredibly excited that I will be living in Chicago. I have almost exactly two more months at my current job. Some days I wonder why the hell I am doing TFA--I'm afraid I'll be a bad teacher, and I know I would be an excellent graduate student. I'm sick of people who, upon hearing where I'm interviewing, say, "Wow, that's a bad neighborhood. You don't want to go there." No, fuckfaces, I do want to go there. That's the whole POINT of TFA. If I wanted to teach in rich, safe places, I would take a more traditional route to teaching. I think it's fine that I still have a healthy dose of idealism and desire to fix the world. I would be depressed if, at 23, I was already jaded.

Also, I've been going to the gym a lot, and I feel like a real adult when I write checks for rent, health insurance, car insurance, my gym membership, my cell phone, my contacts, power, and internet. It also makes me feel very poor, but it's worth it to be completely independent of my parents. It's a lovely feeling. My dad commented last week, "Kids are expensive, but worth it." He keeps a running total of how much our dog costs, and I wouldn't be surprised if he has calculated how much each one of us has cost him.

I've also lost complete tolerance for any kind of entertainment that relies upon sexism for humor. Even the Daily Show is starting to annoy me in that manner. When is it going to stop being funny to watch men sexually harass women?

I hate the month of February

2007-02-16T04:33:31Z

I had two snow days...which was pretty amazing (although kind of boring by the second day). I went into work Tuesday morning, since they hadn't canceled/closed anything by the time I left the apartment. I got to the psych building and found out that classes were canceled and that only "essential" employees needed to work. I got tea, went to my office, sent emails to my 290s telling them not to come, told my work study not to come, called the families scheduled for the day to cancel, and then decided I was not an essential employee. I officially closed our office, which made me feel pretty powerful.

Jeff, Erin and I watched a lot of episodes of House. In the evening, we decided we needed more House episodes and food. We climbed into good old silver van, hoping it would be strong enough to conquer the 10 inches of snow that was on the ground at the time. It was not. So, we decided to go out in the "blizzard" (although they called it such, a blizzard must match those in Little House on the Prairie books, so I think it was merely a large snowstorm with a good amount of wind). After struggling through unploughed sidewalks and streets, we found a beacon of hope: a new pizza place was still open. We ate pizza while weird people walked in and out. Oh, and we passed some girls shrieking. We finally made it to Rentertainment, got two discs of House, and went back home (stopping at the pizza place once again). We drank wine, cuddled (yes, all three of us), and watched Hugh Laurie do his thing.

Jeff and I woke up at 8:30 on Wednesday, determined to get him to his internship. After shoveling snow for about a half hour, we realized it was absolutely impossible to get my car out. At about 3:30 p.m. on Wednesday, sick of being in our stagnant apartment, Erin, Jeff and I decided to help Chuck clear the driveway. We successfully got silver van out and we learned that Chuck's dog's name is Ruben, like the local chocolatier. We made a triumphant trip to the grocery store and to Rentertainment.

Today, I worked. It was soul-sucking, as usual. 9-5 is kind of a bummer, even though I rarely work exactly 9-5. I know my job will be hard next year, but I am looking forward to being insanely busy, insanely stressed, and working really, really hard. I am very good at my job now, but it doesn't thrill me. For example, tomorrow I have to read a book on HLM and then conduct these analyses to prepare for the presentation I am doing with Eva on the 27th, read two chapters, have a meeting with Eva and Molly, go to a lab meeting, copy our new consent forms, call our water delivery people, call families for payment, and submit family payment information to Margie. How fucking fun. I need to start writing my paper, but I doubt I will get to that tomorrow.

In 6 months, I will have a new car, a new apartment, a new job and live in Chicago. I'm really excited. I went to the Chicago auto show last weekend with my dad and actually had a good time. Wow!

I needed an article about people putting their pets on prozac to feel happy.

2007-01-11T16:20:48Z

It's too hard to hear Bush speak and not vomit. Troop increase. How many more times is Susan's husband going to have to go back to Iraq? Until he dies?

In other news, this campus is full of racists, and the administration is shocked (for some reason).