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October 3rd, 2009

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August 9th, 2009

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May 9th, 2009

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February 16th, 2009

03:21 pm 3 day weekends are fantastic, especially since I got all of my work done on Saturday. I didn't do any work yesterday, and all I did today was make a new seating chart...and I think it is a pretty fantastic seating chart. I hope. I had my final interview to be a CMA (Corps Member Adviser) for TFA Institute on Saturday. I am excited that there will be an Institute in Chicago this year for the first time ever. I haven't decided if I want to get the job. On one hand, it would be great professional development, it would be something to do over the summer, and it pays really well. On the other hand, I will have no free time, I will hardly see Jeff, and I won't be able to travel. Jeff and I are going to Jamaica over spring break. We have never traveled to a tropical place together. Also, I have never gone to a tropical place over spring break. Ever. It should be relaxing and fun. We plan to do nothing. Obama came home for the weekend and security around here was ridiculous. They just towed hundreds of cars off the street without warning. Luckily, I have a parking spot in my alley and my car was safe. He went to get a haircut and play basketball, and there were secret service agents/police officers lining every corner. They put tarps up to shield his house from view, He's gone again. My class switch is going pretty well. My 8th graders are pretty good for me, and they've been learning a lot. I feel optimistic about the next few months with them. My 7th graders are acting pretty awful, though. I'm not sure why. They've been bad for every teacher, but I am "responsible" for it because I am their ADL teacher. I guess they're better for me than most teachers (after the field study, I was with another teacher and I made them be quiet and write a paragraph reflection...and she said to me, "How do you get them so quiet?"). I think it will help if this one kid in the class gets expelled...but that could take awhile. He got arrested again outside the school on Friday after our dance. What a disaster. The dance itself went smoothly, but after the dance there was a fight outside the school, one of my kids got jumped on and another hit hard enough by a rock that he blacked out. No administrators were there, so I became responsible for talking to the parents and police, making sure the kids were ok, getting ice for the ones who were not, and telling all the other kids who were watching to go home. My instructional leader calls me an "expert" and a "natural teacher," but shit, I didn't sign up for that. Trying to calm down parents whose babies have just gotten hurt is not an easy task. No wedding plans yet. We have ideas. If it weren't for my parents being extremely disappointed, I would just get married in Jamaica when we go. I'm not really in any rush...it's not like getting married is going to change very much. We have to figure out where to live next year. It's a nice sunny day, and I am sitting in my sun room, drinking tea. Delightful. From an email my group just received from my non-native English speaking professor: "Dear guys, Your plan is so thorough. I can envision that things will flow like water." I will be so happy when I am done with this program. Current Location: sun room Current Mood: content

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January 19th, 2009

12:21 pm Well, my teaching schedule was too good to be true, so I figured it wouldn't last long; I am actually surprised it lasted for two quarters. We are losing our first teacher (which is pretty amazing considering how many left my school last year); an 8th grade math teacher is moving to Minnesota because her husband relocated. I am one of the lucky ones who will be taking on some of her classes; I will take her DEAR and her first period math class. I observed the class for the last week and barely anyone reads in DEAR; they just talk and sit there. This is unacceptable to me, obviously, but it's going to take a lot of work to turn it around. The math class was also a little bit of a disaster--the teacher who is leaving didn't have much control, so they're not used to really working and listening. The class I will be leaving in order to teach this class is the class I co-teach with Julia, and they are such an easy, fun, good class to work with. The class I am taking is an IEP inclusion class, meaning that 11 of the students are in special ed. Because of this, the class has a huge range of ability levels. I will usually have a special ed. teacher or two in my room to help, but I won't for the first week because they are at the inauguration with our students who were chosen to go. I suppose it's a compliment that they chose me to take over the classes (Tamara, my principal, said that I am one of their best teachers and they had every confidence that I would do a good job with the class), but I wish my schedule wasn't changing. Now I have four classes to plan for--DEAR, 7th grade math, 8th grade math, and ADL. The 8th grade math team does not function as well as the 7th grade team, but I am trying to get them to work together more because I DO NOT want to write my own lessons every day. I do have hopes that I will be able to turn this class around--Kathryn (the teacher leaving) said that when she told them who their new teacher was going to be, they said things like, "Oh, she's tough." I hope they are scared of me for the first week and do what I say so that we can set good routines--we'll see though. In other news, tomorrow should be an exciting day. We get to wear our Obama shirts (which I had to go buy today at the Hyde Park Walgreens, which has designated itself "The Obama Headquarters") and from 10-12 we will be in our auditorium with the high schools watching the inauguration. I am glad our students get to watch--I hope this makes some difference in their lives. I have a boy, William, who is brilliant. He understands things so quickly and can put things together that I haven't even taught them yet. He also belongs to a gang--he's smart enough not to bring it into school, but I know--almost all of the boys belong to some gang. He can't answer for me what he wants to be--he says he doesn't think he'll live to 30. It kills me. A bus of 6th graders from my school was hit by bullets the other day; 3 students were hurt, but no one killed. Five were shot outside Dunbar High School while a basketball game was going on between Dunbar and my sister's school. He's not wrong to wonder if he'll live to 30, it's just incredibly sad--the streets in Chicago (particularly the south/west side) are more unsafe now than they have been for awhile. Too many of my kids have had relatives shot and killed this year--Khalil's older brother, Quashae's cousin, Jasmine's mother, Jonah's step-dad, and more. In other news, a few new businesses have opened in Hyde Park in the past few months to make it not suck so bad. One is a cafe/market that has delicious sandwiches, cheese, cookies, and CLOVER coffee. I can drink it black and not hate the taste. Another coffee shop has free wifi, real loose-leaf tea, and makes chai so that it tastes like it did in India. Things are not bad. Current Mood: relaxed Tags: teaching

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November 26th, 2008

06:12 pm - You thirsty I just went back to read an entry that I wrote around Thanksgiving time last year, and dear god, it made me realize just how much better my life is this year. For one, the soul-crushing amount of work has become much more manageable, in part because I have an amazing math team with whom to work. I actually feel like a decent teacher this year. I feel very good going into this Thanksgiving break because I have finished ALL of my grading, I have already written the lessons for Monday and Tuesday, and I have already made all of the copies for Monday. Last Friday we had our first middle school dance of the year, which I was responsible for making happen, since I am the Student Council adviser. It went pretty well--we had raised over 550 dollars from selling wristbands and from Penny Wars, so we had a lot of money to work with. One of my most obnoxious students (a second year 7th grader) was hilariously suave with the ladies--he was actually dancing with them, not just trying to juke them. He tried to get the teachers to dance with him, but considering that a high school teacher in our building just got arrested for having sex with students, it didn't seem like the most responsible choice. Also, I am coaching the girls basketball team. We had open gym last week just to give them some gym time, and we had tryouts the past two days. We posted the final roster today, and I felt bad about all the girls we had to cut. Most of them were sweet girls, but...they really sucked. I mean, really. I am excited to coach because I love basketball, I love having a coaching relationship with the students, and it really raises street cred with the students at the school. It helps that I schooled all of them at practice. My year is still going pretty smoothly. My classes are so much better than last year because, obviously, I know what I'm doing. Both of the classes teach are really great classes for me. My homeroom, UNC, is a little more rambunctious in other classrooms, but they are great for me. It's nice that they respect me enough to behave, but I am trying to get them to behave for every teacher now. The worst part of the year: one of my homeroom kids stole my money, debit card, and various credit cards out of my wallet last week. I knew exactly which period it had to happen (because I checked before and after that class), and I had a pretty good idea who it was (the only kid in that class that I could imagine would steal from me). I filed a police report, and called the aunt of the kid I thought did it to see if she could check/search him. She did, but didn't find anything, though she thought it was plausible too (he is currently on probation for breaking into cars). A day later, she called me and asked if I had a specific card in my wallet. She said someone in her family saw him with it, but she couldn't get him to admit it. So, the next day, the principal and I GRILLED him in the office for about an hour. He lied about three times in the office about various things, thus ruining any credibility he had, but he didn't admit to having it, and since I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I couldn't do much. He had to have it, though, because no one knew I had that card in my wallet and it wasn't a common one. That same day, the student had been seen playing with a girl's purse and later her money was missing. Again, nothing could be proven, but Tamara suspended him for 5 days and we contacted his probation officer. He is pending expulsion, which I am really torn about. The other kids, though, were so sweet to me about the situation, and I had a few parents/family members call me and see if I was ok and if there was anything they could do. Today we had a feast of thanks, which was a school-wide Thanksgiving potluck. Every class was assigned different things to bring. My class was assigned sides and salads, so I brought cheesy potatoes. The kids brought a ton of food, and a lot of parents and family came, and the choir sang (gospel music), and it was really nice to have a half day today. **** In other news, the election has had a huge impact in my school. Our kids are absolutely THRILLED that a black man will be the next president. Unlike suburban schools, we didn't even have to pretend to be neutral--almost all of our kids were huge supporters of Obama. The day after the election, we had a big assembly where we played his acceptance speech, talked about the significance, and generally cried with happiness. When you hear it on the news, it may seem exaggerated, but it has honestly impacted the way my kids see the world. They feel connected to politics, to the country. They feel like there is a chance for them--they don't have any delusions of racism being gone, but they feel like they can be successful despite the challenges. My kids are now talking about how important education and formal English is because Obama needed those things to be successful. I went to the celebration in Grant Park with Jeff, Amy, and Strouse--we were in a much better mood than the last time we watched election results together in 2004. It was exciting to feel the energy. I live within the safest perimeter probably in all of Chicago (maybe with the exception of the White House). On election night, Jeff and I couldn't even set foot in our alley without identification showing we lived at our address. Which was, um, a problem since I didn't think I had any...until I realized my car insurance card has this address on it. We were allowed to go home. We walked through the neighborhood to the bus stop to get up to the rally and back...and we had to pass through three different checkpoints. Gates and police are still at every corner around here, though I only have to show ID if I am trying to go a specific way out of my apartment. It's mildly inconvenient, but obviously, I don't begrudge him his security. Current Mood: accomplished

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October 13th, 2008

09:51 am - So much for the honeymoon We're leaving the honeymoon period at school (the first few weeks when kids are generally good, quiet, scared, and eager to complete their work). I still love my job. I kind of feel good at it too. I get observed at least once a week, which is actually really nice--it's nice to have feedback on how I'm doing. I am in charge of Student Council (we just gave speeches and held elections yesterday), and I'm also going to be co-coach of girls' basketball, which thrills me. I'm glad that this year I get to establish myself at my job. So far, I think I will be there for another year. Also, it's nice because I get a stipend to coach basketball--it's not much, but it's something. Today I was home sick, which sucked because I didn't want to stay home, but I had four students call me this afternoon and asked how I was, which was very sweet. I also had one report to me how bad his class was for the sub (the sub was another teacher in the building). I asked why they were bad for the sub and he said, "I don't know. She wasn't like you. We knew we could get away with it. She kept saying softly, 'please please please stop talking.'" I am furious with my class for being bad after having talked to them last week about why you need to be good for a sub, but sort of pleased that they see me as someone with whom they can't play. It took me awhile to figure out the right tone to be commanding without being mean, and I think I've been successful so far this year. We have a field trip tomorrow...field museum and then we're doing labs outside. Fun! ********* How much more death can my students face? Chicago's south side be bumpin' lately, and I am tired of reading the headlines about shootings on the south side...I worry I am going to read about one of my kids. Current Mood: sick

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September 19th, 2008

10:32 pm Jeff and I are engaged. And I love my job. Current Mood: content

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August 23rd, 2008

11:19 pm My schedule this year (as of now): -DEAR (Drop Everything And Read) class, co-taught with Julia: Students read silently for 30 minutes while eating breakfast -7th grade Math class, 90 min, co-taught with Julia -Prep (45 min) -Advantage hour, high school math--I go up to the high school (they're on the third floor of our building) and teach a small section of specialized math for 45 min. -Prep (45 min) -Lunch (30 min) -Advantage hour, high school math--same as earlier in the day, but with a different group of kids -7th grade math class, 90 min. My schedule is AWESOME. I am so excited that I get to co-teach with Julia; she is also TFA, we have similar work styles and we're good friends. It should be fun to share a classroom. I am also really happy that I get to work with high school students as well. I love working with older students. We start a week from Tuesday, after labor day, and I am getting pumped. My math team is awesome, my principal is competent, and...well, I'm sure the year will be a mess, but at least it will be better than last year. It can't be worse. I am taking grad classes two nights a week, but Julia and I are going to carpool so we don't have to waste as much gas. I already have my first week planned, and we have written our first pre-assessment. We've got a management system, and the construction in our building should be done in time. Our school is an amazing, old, slightly run-down CPS building built in the 1920s. Current Mood: optimistic

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July 29th, 2008

10:14 am My summer break comes to an end tomorrow. It has been absolutely wonderful. I don't think I have enjoyed a summer this much since the summer I graduated high school. Some of the things I have done: -Read 10 books (I read exactly zero...well, maybe one during the school year) -Spend numerous afternoons at coffee shops/walking around Hyde Park (including semi-stalking Barack Obama--I mean, his house is 2 blocks away, making it very easy to find a reason to walk by. The payoff: Um, I once saw Michelle standing on the front porch.) -Went to Ravinia twice -Went to the Blues Festival -Saw old friends that I haven't seen in forever (Beth Wallach, Brian Moschel, Ellen Kulieke) -Spent a week in Philadelphia visiting family, which basically consisted of drinking, sitting on the porch reading, and swimming -Drank a lot -Went bowling a few times -Saw a lot of movies -Shopped on Michigan Ave -Went to Champaign -Went to IKEA -Hung around with TFA friends -Spent time with my sister (who is back in Chicago, yay) and brother -Actually saw Jeff! -Caught up with my New Yorker reading -Avoided reading about the presidential race ...and I did all of this while getting paid. Although I am not quite ready to go back to work, I am really excited to start my new job. I am going to miss all of my old students a lot, but I just think this will be such a better environment. Besides, it is exactly 6.8 miles from my apartment. I am also excited that this is a middle school only--most schools in Chicago are K-8, which is pretty ridiculous. Our middle school is in an old CPS building that we share with the high school and the tech high school. Our math department consists of four 7th grade math teachers and four 8th grade math teachers so there will be a lot of support and collaboration. It will be amazing to have to plan only one lesson a day. My school's website: http://www.perspectivescs.org/ *** At the end of the school year, I finally answered one of the hottest topics among my 8th graders: Did I have a boyfriend and if yes, who was it? They speculated all year that I was dating Mr. D. (even though he eventually left the school AND he told them he was dating Ms. Smith, a 2nd grade teacher) or Mr. Phillips (who was married). I told Leishly (knowing she would spread the word) that I do indeed have a boyfriend. Her response: "Oh, if you get married, will you invite me to the wedding?? I promise I won't be too ghetto." It makes me think of how silly I was in junior high and high school to speculate on dating teachers. Of course, in the case of Betsy and Jason, we were right. Oh, I meant to call them this summer...I am sure they are missing our garish gifts from Target. Current Location: my couch, Hyde Park Current Mood: optimistic

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June 17th, 2008

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May 20th, 2008

11:46 am - I am going to make it... I'm sick again, so I suppose it is time to reflect on the year. There are less than five weeks of school left; my 8th graders graduate in less than four. I haven't told anyone at my school that I'm leaving yet; the only ones I dread telling are Ms. Clemens (my fellow teacher who stayed the whole year) and the student. I don't think I understood how attached to them I would feel. Sure, I felt relatively attached to my summer school kids, but I only had them for five weeks and they were 1st graders--I just can't get attached to younger kids in the same way. Sure, there are students I don't like, but they are few and far between. There's one student that I have named Aris. She started off the year in 7th grade; she is in special education, and she is very socially awkward. Well, not awkward so much as MEAN. For the first month of school, she spent most of the twenty minutes in my classroom cursing out other students. She flashed gang signs and threatened to shoot another student after school, and I was genuinely concerned that she meant it (of course, the administration didn't seem to care). I just didn't like having her in my classroom because she was so disruptive. Our school tried to skip her ahead to high school because she is 15, but the high school wouldn't have it, and sent her back to us after one day. My school's solution? Put her in 8th grade so that we would be "rid" of her in one year (hard to see why she might not like school, huh?). Well, I decided to mask my feelings for her and kill her with kindness. I would let her come into my classroom in the morning and help me out. I would talk to her in particular and always smile at her and say how happy I was to see her. When she ate lunch in my room, I would sit with her and talk to her because otherwise she sat alone. Sure, she started out by saying I was lame and having the same chip on her shoulder (I mean, who wouldn't when her other teachers would say in her presence, "I just don't know what to do with Aris"?), but she slowly warmed to me. It has gotten to the point where she will do any favor for me, I never hear her cursing (well, the other day she said, "What the hell?" and looked really horrified she had said that in my presence and apologized), and she is never a behavior issue for me. It's gratifying. Another student who has meant a lot to me is Markeesha (and her younger brother, Sam). She missed the first day of school, and when she swaggered in the next day, I was actually a little afraid of her. The first day of school had gone so well, and I could tell she had an attitude; she was ready to give me attitude the first moment I laid eyes on her. At the beginning of the year, we had SOOOO many clashes. She would complain about class, talk constantly, and she made me doubt my teaching abilities when she said, "You don't even teach us nothing. You just talk. We don't learn when you talk." The first sign that things were getting better between us was when I started seeing her class at the end of the day instead of at the beginning and she told me she missed me. Now, she always tells the administration that I am the only teacher that teaches anything. A few weeks ago, we did an activity where I had them writing compliments to each other (and me). She wrote, "I love you Ms. Eggert" (no apostrophe, of course), and I have driven her home a number of times. On Friday morning, she came to school early and said she needed to talk. She apologized for her recent attitude and behavior (it has been getting pretty bad) and told me she hoped it wasn't too late to change. She promised to do better, we hugged, and she's had two good days in a row. She's so smart, she's such a good athlete, and she has such a strong will and powerful personality. I hope to God she makes it through life--she has so many odds against her. She has talked openly about watching Sam's father rape and beat her mother, she lives in a very small, run-down house, her mom is gone most nights working in Chicago, and she has an attitude that can get her into trouble. Sometimes, I wish I could just take her in and have her live with me so that she could see what a calm, stable life is like. I want her to know quiet and to know success, and I don't know if that is possible for her in Gary. She might move to Chicago next year to live with an aunt, but I don't know if that will be any better. Another compliment that I received was from an 8th grader, Kayla. She is extremely smart and talented in math, but she has told me since the beginning of the year how much she hates math. Well, recently she said, "Ms. Eggert, you've made me actually LIKE math." Eddie's aunt, who now takes care of him and his younger sister because his mom is in jail, came to talk to me and Ms. Clemens yesterday. She just wanted to say how pleased she is with the progress Eddie has made this year. When Ms. Clemens told her that she and I were going to be the two middle school teachers next year, his aunt was so happy that she said, "Well, I've been debating if I was going to keep him and his sister here, but I think I will now." Oh, that made me feel guilty. I should probably announce my resignation soon. Note: I still feel like I suck at my job. Horribly. Every day, I leave school feeling like a failure, and I have to admit, it's been tough doing something for a full year that I feel unable to do--I'm not used to this feeling. I am used to feeling somewhat successful. I usually avoid things I know I can't do. Yet, there are sometimes glimmers from other people that I don't suck, and I have been trying to hold onto those comments. There was a lock down at my school last week. There was an announcement suddenly, "This is a lock down. Turn off your lights, make sure your windows and doors are locked, and get under the desks." I thought it was strange that we were practicing our first lock down without being informed of it. Well, a moment or two later, the assistant dean came by and said, "This is NOT a drill. Y'all need to be silent," which really did shut my 7th graders up. We sat like that, on the floor in the dark, for about 45 minutes. Turns out that there was a drug bust gone bad right outside the school and it had turned into a shoot-out. You could hear the shots from the front of the school, though you couldn't hear it from my room. Lovely. We started out the year with a triple homicide in the apartments next to the school and end with that. There was a 3-year-old shot and killed three blocks from my new school last week. Current Location: Hyde Park Current Mood: sick Tags: dunes

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April 27th, 2008

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March 8th, 2008

12:19 pm I really wish I had kept a better record of the year somewhere. I am looking out our sun room windows once again watching snow fall. I am so tired or snow and ice and winter and cold and wind that I could scream. I can't tell yet if teaching is something I want to do, or if I want to go back to graduate school and get my PhD in something. It's hard to see the end when I enter a war zone every day. This week I got punched for the first time at school. It happened before school even began. Tiara came into my classroom, and I told her she had to leave and go to homeroom. Usually I am pretty relaxed about students coming into my room in the morning, but she came charging in, ready to stir up some shit. Well, she goes over by Tasja's desk. Tasja and Tiara do not like each other. At all. Tasja says, "Tiara, get the hell away from my stuff." Tiara touches Tasja's purse. Tasja runs across the room and starts bumping chests with Tiara. At this point, I set my coffee cup down and start walking over to them while telling them to stop. I'm not overly concerned that a fight is going to break out because neither had done anything "serious" to the other and it was still early in the morning. Well, they suddenly start throwing punches. Real punches. These are two pretty intense, strong girls, so I had to break it up before it got really bad. They knocked over (and broke) a computer monitor, and did not stop punching when I got between them. So, I got a few punches landed on me, which pissed me up. So, I pulled them apart pretty roughly (probably illegally, but I didn't fucking care, I did NOT like getting hit in the morning), and slammed Tiara up against the wall with my forearm. Tasja was smart enough the back the fuck up and went across the room to her friend. Tiara kept trying to get free, but I had two walls, a table, and my body blocking her, so she couldn't really get past me. I put both my hands on her shoulders and tried to talk her down, while I had a student call the dean. She kept telling me to let her go, and I kept trying to talk her down, telling her I wasn't going to let her do something stupid, that she didn't want to do something stupid. Tiara says, "Ms. Eggert, no offense, but I will knock you out if you don't let go" so I said, "Tiara, no offense, but I will knock you out if you try to leave" so she settled down. The dean came...and oh, they only got one day of in school suspension. Are you fucking kidding me? I was pissed. Boys usually stop when I get in the middle of their fights. No matter how mad they are, they usually have enough sense to know they do not want to hit a female teacher, so they stop throwing punches even if they don't stop trying to get at the other person. Girls, though, don't fucking care. Boys who are small and who aren't really a threat often won't stop fighting when I get in the middle, but boys big enough to do serious damage to me always stop. I wonder at what point they are taught to stop, or if it is something intuitive that comes with being big enough to hurt a person. It was a horrible week overall. There were three redeeming things that happened this week: -My homeroom was pissed about a new rule that was put in place. The principal was in the room while I was having a discussion with them about respect, about what I could do to make their year better, what they could do to make the year better. At one point, Markeesha, an outspoken, at times very defiant and difficult, student asked if she could say something to him. He says alright, so she says, "Mr. Ig, you have got to get more teachers up here like Ms. Eggert. She is the ONLY teacher here that actually teaches us something. She is the only teacher that gets up and TEACHES." Which was nice to hear, especially from her, because earlier in the year she said, "Ms. Eggert, you don't teach us anything" and said it convincingly enough that I wondered if she was right and asked my program director if she was right. -On Wednesday, we were talking about dilations, enlarging or reducing images. To give them something to connect it with, I had them sit in the dark for a few minutes. I asked them what happens to the eye when I turned off the lights, and they were able to identify that yes, the pupil dilates, i.e. gets bigger. I explain why, and then turned on the lights. I asked what happened then, and we talk about why it hurts your eyes to turn the lights back on. Some student said, "Ms. Eggert, you should be our science teacher too!" -On Friday, after school, Leishly had two cousins come into Mr. Phillips room. She went around introducing her teachers and she said, "That Ms. Clemens. She's crazy. And this is Ms. Eggert. She is the best math teacher I have ever had. She's 'hood too." Which made me laugh because there are probably not that many people who are less 'hood than I am, but it is to my advantage that they have this impression of me. *It is interesting how taking on their speech patterns makes my teaching, and particularly my negative consequences, more effective. Yes, I try to model formal English for them because they do need to hear it. But, if a student needs to be reprimanded, nothing is as effective as a firm, "I ain't gonna play wit y'all." Current Mood: working

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November 28th, 2007

03:23 pm - "I live somewhere where you never want to go" I took a sick day (because I am sick), so I thought I would be reflective about my life teaching for a moment. I am fairly disappointed in myself for not writing more about this experience, because every day I can hardly believe my own life. All of these moments are blending together, and I am sure there are many priceless stories that I have already forgotten. The worst part of taking a sick day is that all day I am wishing that I wasn't taking a sick day. I am concerned about falling behind the schedule I set for my classes, I am concerned there will be another fight (The only other time I missed school, there was a big fight with blood in my room), and I am worried that my room will be a disaster when I come into work tomorrow. Ugh. Teaching is NOT what I thought it would be. I thought it would be hard, but it is literally the hardest thing I have ever done, in a soul-crushing kind of way. Of course there are moments that lift my spirits, such as when something excites students (Tim, after we first started Algebra, said to me, "Ms. Eggert, this is so cool, what we did today. It is so cool.") or when a student has an insight and pushes past what I am even teaching. But, there are students who literally refuse to pick up a pencil in class. Ever. I have to monitor the bathroom. I have to constantly tell students to sit down. I have to listen to students complain about everything I can't change. I have to watch and hear about their horribly depressing lives. I have to give 10+ zeros during every test because of students talking. I can't let them on the computers because they took down the filter and go on MySpace every time. My classes at Dominican are an absolute joke, a complete waste of time. The only positive is sitting around with other TFA teachers and getting to share ideas, vent, etc. A new crop of people admitted to TFA Chicago have started to write on the facebook group about how excited they all are, and we spent about 10 minutes at class talking about how annoying their idealism is. It's not that we're completely jaded, but that kind of excitement about this kind of work is a joke. You're not going to walk into the room and change their worlds. This isn't Dangerous Minds. Or Freedom Writers. or Stand and Deliver. Or whatever other crappy white-teacher-goes-to-poor-school-and-inspires-students-to-become-amazing-well-educated-self-motivated-learners-while-dealing-with-only-a-few-minor-setbacks-along-the-way. It is a grind, a fight, to make these students realize how much they are capable of, and to get them to try to increase their knowledge. I have only 6 of my 50 8th grade students on grade level. Only 10 total are at a 6th grade level or above. The rest are far, far below. I have some kids at a first or second grade level. Even my most advanced students still struggle with their multiplication tables. I help them through a problem and say, "What is 11 plus 7?" and I will probably get two wrong answers before I finally hear 18. I got some good news (sort of)--the 8th grade doubled the number of students who passed the state standardized test that we took in September. What does that mean? We went from having 10% of 8th graders meeting or exceeding standards to 25% of students meeting or exceeding standards. It's funny-tragic sometimes. My (8th grade) homeroom asked me when we went back to school after winter break. When I said January 2nd, Evan said, "I am going to still have a hangover." Me too, buddy. We're losing another teacher. The other 8th grade homeroom teacher got another job and is leaving next Friday. The worst part of the job (maybe) is that my work is never done. There are usually 100 more things I could do every night. I work my ass off until 11 p.m. every night, and still, I could be doing so many more things to be a better teacher. I could be so much more organized. I could be preparing more interesting lessons, giving kids extra work, making the space in the classroom work more effectively, getting more work done for Dominican, doing more grading, etc. Always. I'm not sorry I did this, I don't think, but my life is a blur, and I have very little time to myself or for myself. Any time I am not doing work, I am thinking about all the work I should be doing. Like right now. I have 100 tests I should be grading. I should be making overheads for tomorrow. I should be planning Friday. I should be making lesson plans for next week. But, I am sitting here, with an enormous headache. Also, I have decided that, on the whole, I hate U of C students. They are annoying, vapid, and oozing with the desire to have something intellectually exciting to say. Hearing the student reaction to a rash of crime in and around Hyde Park made me sick to my stomach ("The university needs to expand itself more rapidly so all the poor people are kicked out"). The lack of compassion and the un-reality of their lives really annoys me. The fact that this privilege is surrounded by so many broken things ought to urge these students to act, but instead they want to make their bubble bigger and more impenetrable. These people annoy the crap out of me. Also, they treat my part of the neighborhood like it's really scary, but no one has been shot, murdered, or robbed around my apartment, and I have never felt anything but completely safe (well, except when my crazy neighbor took off his shoes, socks, coat, and pants and spend hours standing by my car. But then the police arrived and helped him out). Sure, I don't take long walks at night, but that would just be stupid. I live 3 blocks from Obama. If that. The security around his house includes someone constantly parked on the road in front of the driveway. The car is always on, and the person just sits there. It's not always the same car, but it's always there. Now that I know it's his house, it's very obvious, but I never noticed the car sitting there all the time until Jeff and I took a walk and passed his house a few weeks ago. I haven't really decided who to vote for in the primary, but I might just vote for Kucinich again. I really think that any of the front runners on the Democratic ticket would make a fine president (or at least a better president), but I know I am going to be unhappy with the process by which the nominee is chosen, so I don't really want to be a part of it (which is convenient, seeing as how Illinois is still relatively irrelevant in the process). My kids hate George Bush. They detest him. So, I put a picture up of him on my closet door and when a student is annoying me a lot, I make them go work out their problem with George Bush. They have to go back there, tell him what they did, and wait for him to find a solution to their problem before they can rejoin class. It has replaced Siberia in my classroom, and it works fairly well. Except with my one (impossible) 8th grade class. They all want to talk to George Bush. Current Location: Hyde Park Current Mood: sick Tags: csd

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September 24th, 2007

06:28 pm - 7th week of school Every single fucking day beats me down at school. I have so much to do. I never finish it. The kids play like it's their job. They don't seem to realize how far behind they are. I am so fucking tired. This is so fucking hard. Current Location: Chicago Current Mood: distressed

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August 28th, 2007

08:14 pm This has been the hardest two weeks + two days of my life. Questions I have been asked while talking about math: -Ms. Eggert, are you married and do you have kids? -When do you eat lunch? -What do you eat for lunch? -Do you have a boyfriend? -You drive all the way here from Chicago? Every day? -Are your eyes really blue or do you wear contact? (This has been asked in every class: the response when I tell them they are my real eyes--I have got to get me some blue eyes." -Ms. Eggert, is your hair blonde or brown? (Answer they decided on: Sandy, sandy brown or gold) -How old are you? Current Mood: tired

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July 26th, 2007

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July 7th, 2007

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July 4th, 2007

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